are my buttons that obvious?

It was Wednesday night after a fun day at camp and weekly horseback riding lesson. Bedtime had come and gone, but we were still just getting ready for bed. There was no time for the bedtime story ritual and really Emma was getting crankier by the second already. That piece of news was not well received by her and a melt down insued. It progressed to the need of firm direction from my part which included counting to three (which still works like a charm, thank goodness!!!) and raising my voice just to be heard over her dramatic wailing. Finally she stomped in to her room.

Emma: You did not even say please!

Me: I realize I did not. I am getting very cranky, too, and need you to just settle down and go to sleep. We are both very tired.

Emma (throwing herself on the pillow): You are not the kind mother that I thought you would be! (button)

Me: I am sorry, we've both gotten so upset, but like I explained several times, it is very late, you are tired and you need to go to sleep. Tomorrow morning will feel much better.

Emma: You lied! (button)

Me: Emma, you know I do not lie to you.

Emma: You told me that my mood would not get a story and then I asked very nicely and you still didn't give a story. You lied!

Me: That was not a lie. You did ask nicely which I appreciate, but first you were screaming at me. The reason for not getting a story was because it is late and you are too tired.

Emma: You are talking to me like I'm THREE YEARS OLD!

Me: Honestly Emma, your behavior right now reminds me of when you were three.

Emma: I am much older! I am six.

Me: I know.

Emma: I am so angry.

Me: I understand you are angry. I need you to lie down and I will rub your back to help you calm down, if you think that will help.

Emma: Alright.

After a good deal of back rubbing and a familiar night time song, she calmed down and we had a very sweet conversation regarding how difficult it often is to start with nice when one is tired, no matter how old they are. Emma agreed we were good again, and drifted off to sleep.

How does she know that two of my primary goals as a parent are to be a kind parent and never to lie to my child??? How? I guess I'll never know. On the other hand it makes me smile that my daughter knows me so well. :)

i have no one

Monday -- one of the hardest days for the human race.

Mornings are slow and cranky. Evenings are plain tired and cranky.

But the crankiness dissapates with a phone call from Daddy who's out of town on a business trip. Emma goes from slamming doors and grunting at me to sweet and innocent, "Hi Daddy. -- Getting ready for bed. -- I had fun..."

After the conversation ends I get a glaring stare. Where did she go again? Who is this?

Me: "I know we've talked about this before, but help me understand how come you are so angry at me? And so able to not be angry with Daddy? It's hard to understand because you seem to have a hard time not being cranky and suddenly with Daddy it's gone."

Emma: "It's because you told Daddy the truth. I had lied and then he spanked me"

*** Editor's note: This incident happened two years ago. My understanding from the two parties is that she's only been spanked that one time. I am personally 100% opposed to spanking and will never agree it is needed, but out of respect to Emma's Daddy, I have chosen to step off my box and let him parent how he finds is most suitable to him, unless I assess his behavior to be harmful to our child. In return, I expect him to observe my methods and sound an alarm if need be.

Me: "Emma, we have talked about this. You did not get a spanking because Mommy told the truth. You were spanked because you lied."

Emma: "But it was pain. And I'm afraid of Daddy now that he will spank me again."

Me: "Has there been other times that you were spanked?"

Emma: "Just that one.... well, maybe before I remember..."

Me: "I don't believe there's been any other times. But you still didn't really explain why you are so angry and cranky just with Mommy."

Emma: "But Mommy, it's just that there is so much angry inside me and it has to come out and I have no one else to be anry at but you. I have no one else... and with you I know that you don't spank so I can be cranky."

Me: (stomped once again) "I see. And you are right. We all need to feel safe enough to be angry. It's okay, you can be angry with Mommy."

My question is what am I going to do when this child developmentally is capable of abstract thought, when at six I get this??? Anyone??

Finally

I am a fortunate mother of a now 6-year-old pearl of wisdom, Emma. Of course I acknowledge that my assessment of her brilliance is very subjective, but others seem to (or are too polite to tell me otherwise) enjoy the funny stories of Emma's discoveries. I've been told to write the stuff down for future reference and I mean to... but haven't. So I'm hoping that this blog will inspire me not only to be hip and with the times, but record some those stories that are an everyday event when one is lucky enough to have an emma in her life.

Let me start off with a recent piece of advise I received from Emma. I have been on a weight loss journey for the last six months or so. Reasons are multiple and not really focus of this blog, so we'll leave those aside. Emma has noticed and wanted to offer her support in her own way. One morning as I was dressing she came to me with very gentle gestures as she is a very affectionate and kind soul.

Emma: Mommy, I'm trying to say this very very nice... really I want to be nice about it...

Me: Yes love, what do you have in mind?

Emma: Well..... I'm thinking.... I think that maybe, a good idea, maybe, for you.... maybe working out would be a great idea for you....

Me: (cracking up) Well, my child, once again you seem to have a great idea.

Emma: I wanted to be nice.

Me: And you are, my love.

Another -- Just recently I was taking Emma to summer day camp and from the back seat it comes..

Emma: Mommy, how big is life?

Me: That is hard question to answer. Let's see... life is kind of everywhere around and in us, so that would make it really big.... Life is a hard one to really measure in terms of big or small, but it's just everywhere. What do you think of that?

Emma: Well, I know that life is quick.

Me: I see. Tell me about life being quick.

Emma: Some mommies have babies and then they are too busy to take care of them.

Me: Oh, tell me more about mommies being too busy (of course I'm already thinking I am not paying enough attention to my child, she is trying to tell me something...)

Emma: Well, some mommies have babies when they are really old and then they are not around long enough to take care of them.

Me: (has she been reading the news paper of the 60-year-old woman giving birth? watching news on tv? gasp, does she think I'm too old and going to die soon???) I see. Did you hear about that somewhere or what made you think of it?

Emma: No, I was just thinking.

Me: Okay... Do you know someone who is really old and has a baby or does one of your friends have an old mommy or something else?

Emma: No. I was just thinking. I think I'm done talking for now.

Me: Alright. (still feeling a bit guilty like a mom only can.... )