Birthday Girl

Night before Emma's seventh birhtday. We're doing our nightly ritual and get to the goodnight story. I look over at Emma.

Me: It's the last time I get to read a story to my six-year-old... what happened to my little girl? (I'm smiling but tear are welling up in my eyes - I know I can be pretty pathetic at times.)

Emma: I know! ... Mommy are you crying?

Me: A little bit, but mostly happy tears. I'm really excited that you have a birthday and you are growing up, but sometimes I miss my little girl.

Emma: (stroking my hair) It's okay Mommy. I'll always be your little girl, no matter how many birthdays come.

.... I sure hope she remembers that when those evil teenage hormones start taking over. I certainly will.

worldly wisdom

Emma: Mommy, I know the S-word. It's a bad word...

Me: I see. What word is that?

Emma: Shut up. (anticipation of my reaction apparent in her tone...)

Me: You're right. That's not such a nice word to use.

Emma: I also know the F-word!

Me: (oh, no. here we go, all the good innocent days are fading... already??) Right. And which word is that?

Emma: (silence) Phoney!! (big eyes stating 'I can't believe I said that to my mom!') -- Is that a bad word.

Me: (holding back relief and satisfaction) Well,... it can be a not-so-nice thing to say about someone. It would probably hurt someone's feelings if you called them with that name.

Emma: I know.

...

Emma: I also know the other S-word.

Me: (can't this be over already??) Which one is that?

Emma: Stupid!

Me: Yeah, that's an old one we've talked about before. Not a nice thing to say. right?

Emma: Right. I don't like it. Some kids use it all the time. I remember I used it when I was three and my friend got upset. I don't use it.

Me: I remember that. I'm really proud of you that you try to be kind to others. That makes a good friend.

Emma: **shy smile**

i think i helped her a little bit

Emma: Mommy there's something I need to tell you about.

Me: Okay, love. What is it?

Emma: I'm feeling really sad. It's about Bonnie. Her grandpa died when she was one. He was the first one to hold her and he even fed her, but he's died

Me: Oh, that is sad. Sounds like Bonnie had a sweet grandpa.

Emma: Yeah, makes me sad.

Me: I think Bonnie was really loved by her grandpa, huh?

Emma: She said she was sad in class and I told her we need to talk about it on the hill during recess. So we did. She told me and I think I helped her a little bit. But I was sad too.

Me: I know sweetie. You are a good friend and I can see that you helped her by listening and being there.

I am one proud Mommy! My girl has such a

It's not me, it's my tummy.

Emma: Mommy, I've noticed that always when I'm at the apartment, my tummy hurts, but when I leave the apartment, it doesn't. It's kind of mysterious.

Me: Really? Can you think of anything at the apartment that might make your tummy feel that way?

Emma: I've thought about it and I think it's that my tummy thinks that Gracie (0ur sheepdog) might die.

Me: Aah. Emma you know we've talked about this (she has been a bit obsessed about Gracie getting old ...) and Gracie is very healthy and will be with us for many years.

Emma: I know that. I know it but my tummy doesn't seem to. I don't think she's going to die, but I think my tummy thinks that. Not me.

Me: Okay. Well, maybe we need to work on telling the tummy that she can relax, cause Gracie is healthy and as silly as always. No worries.

Emma: I'll work on that.

the budding music critic

Driving in the car seems to elicit the best insights from most of us. On our recent trip to Ft Collins to visit family, we heard Zac Efron (High School Musical 2) song "Bet on it."

Me: I really like this song. What do you think?

Emma: I do too!!

A few moments of singing along....

Emma: I really like the DRAMA of it!

Me: Oh... tell me more about that...

Emma: You know, the drama of it... there's anger. The girl left and he's angry and no one understands.

Me: I see...

I'm waiting for the day that I can come up with something equal in depth to some of these comments... until then I keep learning.

The perfect couple

so the time has come to tell Emma that her father and I have decided to divorce. Not an easy task no matter what the circumstances. She reacted to the first conversation with silence and just a few tears rolling down her cheeks. Later she was able to express herself more verbally stating she did not want her father and myself apart. She demanded an explanation of why we didnt' want to stay together -- how do you explain to a 6-year-old something that on a given day is too complicated to understand in your 40s? I tried relating it to her world, talking about not having things in common and how hard it is when we don't like the same things. Emma thought about it and the expression on her face clearly communicated that my feeble attempts on examples was not working so well.

Emma: You do have things in common!

Me: I know sweetie, this is a complicated grown up thing to understand. I need you to trust me that one day when you are older you will understand it better.

Emma: I can't wait until I'm old.

silence...

Emma: But you recycle and Daddy recycles and I do -- we all have that in common! You do have that in common, you both recycle.

Me: I know.

Emma: and you both have the same nose (...????)

Me: okay.

Emma: I don't want you to be apart. No.... You make such a perfect couple!

Me: I understand. I need you to remember that we both love you and we are doing this because we believe it's the best thing to do for all of us.

back to sobbing.....

My heart is really breaking, as I listen to her pain. Here come the second guessing and wondering if this is right. Rationally, I know this is right. I need a glimpse of the future to hear her say that she now understands and appreciates the hard choices I've made in her best interest as I understood it to be at the time. Since that is not available... I need to create that outcome through my love and patience with her at this stage, I think. (.....?) Ugh, this parenting responsibility stuff is not as simple as it seemed when I had no kids!

are my buttons that obvious?

It was Wednesday night after a fun day at camp and weekly horseback riding lesson. Bedtime had come and gone, but we were still just getting ready for bed. There was no time for the bedtime story ritual and really Emma was getting crankier by the second already. That piece of news was not well received by her and a melt down insued. It progressed to the need of firm direction from my part which included counting to three (which still works like a charm, thank goodness!!!) and raising my voice just to be heard over her dramatic wailing. Finally she stomped in to her room.

Emma: You did not even say please!

Me: I realize I did not. I am getting very cranky, too, and need you to just settle down and go to sleep. We are both very tired.

Emma (throwing herself on the pillow): You are not the kind mother that I thought you would be! (button)

Me: I am sorry, we've both gotten so upset, but like I explained several times, it is very late, you are tired and you need to go to sleep. Tomorrow morning will feel much better.

Emma: You lied! (button)

Me: Emma, you know I do not lie to you.

Emma: You told me that my mood would not get a story and then I asked very nicely and you still didn't give a story. You lied!

Me: That was not a lie. You did ask nicely which I appreciate, but first you were screaming at me. The reason for not getting a story was because it is late and you are too tired.

Emma: You are talking to me like I'm THREE YEARS OLD!

Me: Honestly Emma, your behavior right now reminds me of when you were three.

Emma: I am much older! I am six.

Me: I know.

Emma: I am so angry.

Me: I understand you are angry. I need you to lie down and I will rub your back to help you calm down, if you think that will help.

Emma: Alright.

After a good deal of back rubbing and a familiar night time song, she calmed down and we had a very sweet conversation regarding how difficult it often is to start with nice when one is tired, no matter how old they are. Emma agreed we were good again, and drifted off to sleep.

How does she know that two of my primary goals as a parent are to be a kind parent and never to lie to my child??? How? I guess I'll never know. On the other hand it makes me smile that my daughter knows me so well. :)