so the time has come to tell Emma that her father and I have decided to divorce. Not an easy task no matter what the circumstances. She reacted to the first conversation with silence and just a few tears rolling down her cheeks. Later she was able to express herself more verbally stating she did not want her father and myself apart. She demanded an explanation of why we didnt' want to stay together -- how do you explain to a 6-year-old something that on a given day is too complicated to understand in your 40s? I tried relating it to her world, talking about not having things in common and how hard it is when we don't like the same things. Emma thought about it and the expression on her face clearly communicated that my feeble attempts on examples was not working so well.
Emma: You do have things in common!
Me: I know sweetie, this is a complicated grown up thing to understand. I need you to trust me that one day when you are older you will understand it better.
Emma: I can't wait until I'm old.
silence...
Emma: But you recycle and Daddy recycles and I do -- we all have that in common! You do have that in common, you both recycle.
Me: I know.
Emma: and you both have the same nose (...????)
Me: okay.
Emma: I don't want you to be apart. No.... You make such a perfect couple!
Me: I understand. I need you to remember that we both love you and we are doing this because we believe it's the best thing to do for all of us.
back to sobbing.....
My heart is really breaking, as I listen to her pain. Here come the second guessing and wondering if this is right. Rationally, I know this is right. I need a glimpse of the future to hear her say that she now understands and appreciates the hard choices I've made in her best interest as I understood it to be at the time. Since that is not available... I need to create that outcome through my love and patience with her at this stage, I think. (.....?) Ugh, this parenting responsibility stuff is not as simple as it seemed when I had no kids!
